The Girl in the Red Sweater

Have you ever noticed it’s easier to live with your mundane life, struggling as you may sometimes to make it to that five-o’clock cutoff, than it is to actually sit back and reevaluate your priorities? It’s like we get stuck in that comfort zone of knowing what discomforts we must endure to stay where we are, rather than enduring unknown discomforts in order to reach a new level of comfort.

Many times I feel swept up in the rush of the ordinary. Groceries must be bought, clothes must be washed, and sometimes I just have to sit back and curl up under the warm covers with a fascinating book for an evening. Although I find plenty of time to watch an hour or two of TV every day, I always put off setting goals because it’s just easier to do something else.

So goal setting is — well, my new goal. It’s hard to work toward something when you don’t know what you’re working toward. I’m usually going in about five different directions, and it sure would be a lot faster if I had one specific destination to push on toward.

Anyway, I’d rather struggle a little with some critical thinking, come up with some real dreams, and start pursuing them — have the hope of actually getting somewhere with my life — than end up not doing anything with my life because I felt like I never had time to figure out what I wanted. Maybe I’ll feel tired sometimes because I stayed up writing about what I could do with my life, but I’d rather be tired but trying than rested but helpless.

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A week and a half ago, we went out on our new boat.

That’s right, a week and a half ago. Oh, yes, and the part about our new boat. We’ve had that for two and a half weeks now.

So I’ll back up a little. We had been talking about buying a boat forever, and we finally went and did it. It’s a nice modest little jon boat, mostly set up for fishing, but soon to be modified with a fancy awning and cushier seats — as wise fishermen know, the longer the wife stays comfortable on the boat, the longer the husband can fish.

If you’re like me, you would assume that you go buy a boat and then go ride around in it. It’s like a car on water, right? Well, it’s not that simple with boats, at least not the affordable small ones. First, we had to spend three and a half hours at Academy while they assembled everything. (For a one-piece boat, a motor, and a skeletal trailer, there seemed to be a lot of assembly required.) Fortunately, it was a lovely evening, and they had some comfortable patio furniture, so we waited patiently outside.

Then after we got it home, we had to put our own seats and lights on. And the customization will continue for some time; there are things like cupholders and the awning to attend to. There is still paperwork to be mailed — oh, yeah, and you have to register the trailer separately from the motor, which is separate from the boat itself. They sure do like to collect taxes separately around here. I guess it makes each payment seem cheaper, but they all add up.

In any event, the boat was seaworthy a week after it was purchased, and after a long expectant wait I got to ride along on the Mullet’s first voyage.

I’m not much on fishing, but I felt right at home cruising down the river. As soon as we cast off, it was like the rest of the world just disappeared. I felt more content and at ease with myself than I have in months. Just watching the cypresses and palm trees and rustic riverfront cabins breeze gently by… I felt no need for thought, no need for conversation, no need for anything but to continue the blissful journey to nowhere.

An hour was over before I could blink.

And just as suddenly as that hour of relaxation came, it went. We had to put everything back in the truck so it wouldn’t fly out of the boat, take it all home, store it, do some laundry, and face the real world again the next day. Monday.

Looking back on it now, I can’t recapture quite the feeling of weightlessness I felt — not as if I were light, but as if I had no burdens or concerns. I think it’s been a little too long since I just went out and looked at nature.

But now we have a boat! We can go float down the river any time we want! Well, if we ever get a spare moment together again.

What I wouldn’t give to be retired.

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Getting a massage is not the only way to relax and let go of stress. You can stimulate any combination of the five senses to give yourself multiple cues that it’s time to unwind.

	Sound: listen to relaxing music. Now that the days of falling asleep to great music, only to awake to the loud “Thunk” of the cassette player coming to a stop, are over, CDs and MP3s can put you straight to sleep — if you choose the right ones. My personal favorites are Jim Wilson, David Arkenstone and Enya.
	Sight: post beautiful posters on your walls. As you are getting ready for bed, gaze at the posters and imagine yourself lying in a beautiful landscape. The vivid imagery will help set the stage for peaceful dreams. Get creative – besides familiar favorites, try a few different scenes to mix up your dreams.
	Taste: drink milk or eat some turkey. These foods help your body produce seratonin and tryptophan, which will make you both happy and sleepy. Just don’t eat or drink too much, because that could cause heartburn, which can interfere with your hard-earned sleep.
	Touch: wear something soft or use a comfy massager to ease away stress. Try a luxurious bathrobe, super-soft socks, new sheets with a high thread count, even a new fluffy pillow.
	Smell: There are many fragrances that can help you relax, and if you use the same one all the time your body will instantly know it is time to relax as soon as you get a whiff of the calming smell. Try a calming body wash like Melt Away Stress, some fragrant lotion or bubble bath from Bath & Body Works, or melt a candle on a candle warmer so you won’t smell any smoke.

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Sometimes when I feel about as creative as a brick, I remember that all I need is a little inspiration to get me started. For instance, I was faced this morning with a daunting task: design a wall-sized neon sign for a night club. Now, I am not the clubbing kind, so I had no idea what to look for.

Thankfully, Google was there to help. After perusing through results for “club neon,” I finally struck gold: I typed in “neon design” instead and found some fabulous samples for inspiration. After playing around with different ideas for a few hours, I now have two completely different designs to show the customer, and several more ideas to toy with tomorrow. Now the task I was dreading — and which I thought I wouldn’t be able to complete — has got me all excited.

Another site that has helped me through several inspiration conundrums is iStockPhoto. While their “club neon” photos were useless to me, when I searched for “swirl design” I found hundreds of designs to peruse. My inspiration often comes from places that are not directly related to what I’m looking for, but when I see something I like it triggers ideas that I can blend into whatever project I’m currently working on.

Whenever I’m in the mood to cook up an exciting new web layout, I do weeks and weeks worth of research. I guess you could say I’m creatively challenged — I don’t come up with ideas well all on my own, but once I have a color palette or a basic style I want to mimic, I take it and run.

Some of my favorite places to peruse for web design inspiration: Be Inspired, a Russian site — which forces me to draw my own conclusions about the layouts, rather than take someone’s word for it that “Here is a great colorful layout…” etc.

Phrizbie Design has much inspiration to offer. They create designs that are eye-catching and soothing at the same time. Browse through their character illustrations if you want to see just how unworthy you really are.

Nuvio is another brilliant non-English design showcase that shows some beautiful designs.

Lather, rinse, repeat. If after a day of searching you still have nothing, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

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These are my favorite splurges ever, because they just keep on giving and giving. I have spent many hours relaxing with these products, and although I’m a firm believer in the ability of your body to restore and relax itself, I’m also a believer in using comfortable things to get yourself into that frame of mind where you’re able to relax.

Bath Pillow from Bed, Bath & Beyond. I was skeptical about spending $10 for a piece of squishy plastic, but now that I’ve used it for two months I would be willing to pay $20 if they raised the price. I’ve used a lot of bath pillows before, but I never found one that was truly comfy. I am not ashamed to admit I have fallen asleep on this thing more than once — and never got a crick in my neck!

Neck massager from Brookstone. I was so desperate to find a comfortable bed that this summer I bought a hammock, and while I was spending $300 on a hammock I didn’t think a little $35 toy was much to add to the bill. The hammock didn’t work out, but I absolutely adore the massager. Not only does the massaging action actually relax my muscles, it’s comfortable to sleep with because it supports my neck so well. Hands-down my favorite relaxing indulgence (well, it’s a tie with the bath pillow).

Aloe-infused Socks from Walmart. (They hide them in the pharmacy section, next to the shoe insoles.) I wear these after my relaxing baths or when my feet are sore from a long day at work. Soft things have always been a big comfort to me, and these are super soft.

Eye Mask from Amazon.com. I seem to be extra-sensitive to any light in the room; total darkness is very relaxing to me. I’ve tried many eye masks, and none have stayed on well or been very comfortable. This one really does the trick, and it’s affordable too. I would even recommend buying the two-pack so you can keep one at home and one in your travel bag — that way you won’t forget to take it with you wherever you sleep!

Sleep Well Body Mist from Walgreens. I mist one spray away from my bed, and that is enough to convince my brain it’s time to get ready for bed. I like to use as many sensory cues as possible to condition my brain to sleep, and scent is a powerful one.

I tend to clench my fists tightly around my money and not let go. When I do, it’s because I’ve either researched a product thoroughly or I’m so desperate to relax I just have to try something new. What are your favorite relaxing products? I’d love to hear your suggestions so I can test them out!

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Since stress has been affecting my health, my quality of sleep, and my state of mind a lot lately, I put together a list of the best tips I have found to help me relax.

Take a long bath

My new apartment has a spacious garden-style tub (and fixed water bill!) that I use all the time to unwind. My rule is that if I’m in a hurry, I take a shower, but if I have time to relax I take a bath. I always linger and focus on deep relaxation.

Remember Pavlov’s dogs? Pavlov rang a bell every time he fed the dogs, and pretty soon the dogs would salivate to the sound of the bell alone. Try it with your bath – every time you sink into the warm water, your mind will remember all the past relaxing baths, and this will help you unwind even faster.

Do some yoga

I’m fortunate enough to have a gym membership that gives me free classes. The only type I’ve tried so far is yoga, and I’m so thrilled with it that I haven’t bothered trying other kinds of classes like pilates.

I’ve found that I don’t mentally relax very much during the yoga, but afterwards when my muscles are all stretched and exercised I feel so physically relaxed that my mind is at ease. As I learn more and get better at practicing the poses, I find that I am able to relax more and more during the classes themselves. It’s a really wonderful habit that I plan to continue practicing for the rest of my life.

Buy some good props

Go ahead, splurge a little. If you choose the right purchases, you won’t even feel guilty about the money well spent. Things like bath pillows, scented lotions and imported chocolate might just bring you the little lift you need to relax in a big way. I have a list of relaxing products if you need some suggestions.

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Now this is a goal I’m working hard on and making progress at. One of the main reasons I am searching for a new dream job to pursue is that my current one as a graphic designer – slash – manager – slash – production worker is very stressful. I can handle (and prefer) wearing several hats so that I always have a variety of tasks to work on, but the workload really requires two of me. I’m sure a lot of you can relate.

Since I haven’t discovered a new passion yet, I really don’t want to switch jobs until I know exactly what I want to pursue. I enjoy many aspects of my work, I have a lot of freedom, the pay and benefits are good, and I like staying with the same company for a long period of time. I just don’t want to work there forever.

If I’m not going to lower my stress levels by changing jobs, that leaves me with a goal of coping with the stress that’s already there. Over time I have developed a very thick skin so complaints and threats bounce right off me, and I regret that my experiences in customer service have left me with very low expectations of people. But fortunately that makes it extra refreshing when someone is polite or appreciative.

Besides training myself mentally to cope with the demands of customers and a heavy workload, I have lately been resorting to quite a few relaxation tips while I’m not at work.

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It occured to me that I might get a boost in motivation (or at least confidence) by going over some of my recently achieved goals. Here’s one: get healthy.

At the start of this year, I was at my wits’ end. I had been sick for months (and would be for a few more months to come) from a combination of allergies that caused sinus and ear infections one to two times a month, plus a mixture of other problems. The I went to the dentist for the first time in 3 years, and I was told I had gum disease. Gum disease? I couldn’t believe it — they said it was so bad that if an antibiotic treatment didn’t work, surgery was the only other option. How can you have a disease that bad and not know it?

After consultation with a good dentist and an ear/nose/throat doctor, my gums were treated with antibiotics and I started using a sinus rinse. In case you’re not familiar with them, you basically put a saltwater mixture in a bottle and squeeze it up your nose. It sounds gross, but if you suffer from chronic allergies I would highly recommend it. As long as you use the recommended mixture, which includes baking soda so it won’t sting, it is painless and doesn’t really feel uncomfortable — just odd. And you would not believe the difference when you can actually breathe through your nose.

This cured the sinus infections, and when someone taught me to hold my nose and blow gently, I learned to cure the ear infections, which the doctor told me were caused by water getting trapped in the ears. I tried earplugs, but they didn’t really keep the water out, and besides blowing air through your ears is much more comfortable and practical than earplugs.

This left just the gum disease. Five weeks after they injected time-release antibiotics into my gums (thank goodness for good dental insurance, or it would have cost me a small fortune) I was pronounced healthy. The gum specialist said he had never seen such an improvement — most people improve with the medicine, but they don’t usually return to the normal healthy level.

To keep the gums healthy, I invested in a Waterpik, which almost felt like a splurge since it cost $60. But it was worth every penny, and since it comes with multiple heads for every family member, I’m not the only one benefitting. It cleans underneath the gums, where a toothbrush can’t reach and mouthwash can only kill germs — not remove the plaque. And here’s a trick for the Waterpik: use hydrogen peroxide instead of water, and it will kill off the germs better. The other thing I did was try the toothbrush my sister recommended — a Pulsar. It, along with my new Colgate Total, has kept my mouth feeling fresh from the dentist ever since the professional cleaning.

Being healthy was the goal I thought would take the longest to achieve, but surprisingly it was the first I accomplished this year. On to the next: relaxation and stress relief!

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It makes me feel old to look back on how many years I have been ordering from Amazon.com, and I must admit I have been ordering more and more as time goes by. I used to just order books here and there, since they have those nice less-than-retail prices. Now most of the gifts I buy come from Amazon, since shipping is free and fast. Of course, it’s perilous every time I visit; if the shipment is coming straight to me instead of straight to someone in another state, an item or two just for me usually manages to find its way into the trademark cardboard box.

Most recently, I actually had a $50 giftcard for myself. Surprisingly, instead of buying books, I got a lovely lumbar support cushion and a seat cushion to deck out my chair at work. (And man, am I glad I listened to those positive reviews.) It really is amazing what a wide range of products Amazon sells, and with the number of users I have some faith in the user reviews. So far they haven’t led me astray.

Yesterday I ordered my mom’s birthday presents – an excellent lumbar support cushion and a footrest to make her day at work a little bit more comfortable – and as usual I couldn’t resist adding one or two more little items for myself. I almost added three, but after clicking that “add to cart” button for the new Mistmantle book and seeing the total price update itself automatically, I was smart enough to check the public library to see if they have a copy. Surprisingly, they already had a couple of copies.

That’s another thing I love — the public library, and the way they have intertwined it with the internet. It’s so easy to see what books are available at every location, which is about 20 libraries. If the book (or movie) I want happens to be way across town, all I have to do is reserve it online, and within a few days they drop it off at the library which is oh-so-conveniently located one block away. They even send me a nice little automated email telling me when it has arrived. I don’t usually appreciate automated emails, but these make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

As a matter of fact, the last book I read was a brand-spanking-new library edition of Acorna’s Children. It was awfully kind of them to put the books into the computer even before they were covered and tagged. I got to reserve it before it ever hit the shelves.

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Since this blog is all about figuring out my goals, I thought I would get the ball rolling by considering what I want to do. When I try to list specific goals, I don’t get very far, but somehow looking at it from a perspective of everything I want to do opens my eyes and gets me listing right away.

I’ve always wanted to…

Live in the mountains.
Go skiing.
Play the piano (reasonably well).
Learn to play the guitar.
Have a cat.
Have one or two kids.
Travel throughout Europe, especially Ireland, England and France.

I used to want to…

Be a fine artist.
Be a writer.
Have a dog.

I’m starting to think I might want to…

Have my own business.
Become a teacher.
Design my own house.

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